SO. FUCKING. IMPORTANT.
Learning to speak to children in a constructive, positively reinforcing, non-abusive way (which was hard to unlearn due to my own abuse) is one of the most important things i have ever learned to do. It’s also dramatically changed how i speak with adults.
Yeah, I wanna emphasize that last part more: This is in no way limited to talking to kids. Do it with everyone.
I have one that really fucked me up as a kid: I’d be chewed out for messing up margin spacing or having a messy desk or being late literally all the time. The teacher would tell me to get my shit together, and I’d apologize and say “I’ll try.” Promising to do my best even though it was really hard.
To which the teacher(s) replied: “Don’t TRY. Do it.”
This was intended to be tough love and empowerment—to put tiny Luka in a can-do mood. To make tiny Luka use his abilities without an attitude of self-defeat.
What tiny, literal-minded Luka understood it to mean, however, was that he was making a mistake if success required effort. I distinctly remember being in the third grade and hanging on the monkey bars thinking about this, in major turmoil because I was so steamed.
"Don’t TRY. DO it!”
I was really mad, because the best I could figure was that was some stupid Lewis Carrolian “Serve the cake before you cut it” bullshit. How can you do something that’s really fucking hard without effort? Was success a matter of being abler? Maybe for smart people, good students, normal kids. Three things I obviously wasn’t, and had my nose rubbed in it any time my timid attempts to appease these tyrants and communicate commitment to cooperate were shot down.
So yeah, don’t say cutting shit to littles, they have a whole internal world where that stuff goes rocketing around like a pinball ringing all their insecurities. If it’s harsh on adult ears it’s ass cancer to a third grader who cares even a little bit about pleasing authority figures.
I’ve seen her face on tumblr before but i’d not noticed much, but i just saw a new report on the chinese news channel about fahma mohamed who is campaigning to stop female genital mutilation and the guardian news paper have backed her and she’s met with michael gove about it and spoken to the UN general secretary and just okay you go girl fucking hell you’ve done a good
i just got 90-95% on my maths coursework
sure fine i’ve pissed off my history and maths teachers by doing their work not at the time they gave it but that was so i could get 90-95% on my courseworks for both of them so you know what?
i can do the work it just takes time and pressure and i got them in for the deadlines. When i matters i have motivation i literally cannot self motivate at ALL unless it’s a real deadline and not a deadline for anything else
ahh today me and cecile were talking about makeup and avantages and disadvantages of being a girl and will was like ‘i don’t understand the appeal of dresses / make-up’ and just basically we were all like ‘it makes us feel fabulous’ and for a bit he was genuinely like ‘but isn’t it like… cheating?’
and then it was just ‘no man think of it like wearing clothes that match in colour or style - they’re not exactly natural and you don’t just do it for other people’s sake it’s for your own it’s like that’ and i think he got it. after some teasing about protein shakes not being natural either and technically cheating